Sometimes I look at my life and wonder how I ended up here, and I know the answer is the hand of God brought me to the place I'm in, but sometimes I fail to marvel at that fact. So I shall marvel here before you friends.
I shouldn't have been born. I wasn't in my mother's life plan she was going to be a nun and sisters of that kind do not have babies. Before she took her vows she wanted to see the world and study in the States (that's America, she's from Trinidad). God wanted me though so low and behold she fell for this guy and got married and she became with child (that's me).
When I was born I shouldn't have survived. I was a premature and I wasn't developing well in the womb to start with so I had some issues but God wanted me so I survived and made my baby body stronger.
I almost grew up in another country, when I was still a little baby my Mom sent me to live with her family in Trinidad, they were going to raise me while she decided it she was moving back... she left my biological father sometime shortly after I was born, I never met him. But God wanted me here in the states so he made her worry about me like crazy and miss me but he called her to stay in the States so I came back.
I shouldn't have had an amazing childhood with a huge and loving family around. It was almost just my mom and me no family because hers is still in Trinidad. But God wanted me to experience that, so my mom met my dad (who is technically my adopted dad but I didn't know until I was 17 but I'll get to that later) and my dad loved me like his own and his family love me as their own.
I still shouldn't have had that though because they got divorced when I was 5. They had every right to not treat me like there own any more. But God had his way and they kept me in fact they took me and raised me, never made me feel like I was anything but a Polite. I was theirs and I still am and they are mine because God gave us to each other.
I should not live in Arizona. It's hot and I'm allergic to the sun and I love water and there is none but God brought me here. The same year I left South Carolina to live with my dad, he got a job in Phoenix so I moved twice that year.
I should not have stayed in Arizona. It's hot and I'm allergic to the sun and I love water and there is none plus I had a dream to attend to. But we've already established that God brought me here. In high school I ran into and fell in Love with Jesus, and Young Life helped me get there. God said stay after I graduated though I had options, I obeyed his word and I stayed.
In my own plan I would not have made it through 3 stretching, growing and learning years on Young Life Student Staff being surrounded by some of the most amazing people. I would not have been forced to face my ethnic background because of Latino Student Staff and I would not have accepted it and embraced it. I wouldn't have met tons of kids who tried my patience but made me love them anyway. I would not have fallen in love with the ministry and I would not encountered God every step of the way.
I should have quit while I was ahead. But God had a plan and this last year has been tough but in everything I have learned so much about God and myself. I think I'm ready for the unknown. I think I'm ready to walk I wasn't at the end of last year, I wanted it but I wasn't ready. That was in God's plan too though it was God's hand that brought me here.
That's how I got here God planned it all along.
PS this is a prelude to my next blog post... stay tuned and while you wait listen to Ingrid
Monday, July 11, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
The Call
I'm not who I was. I'm completely redeemed. I'm not the little girl that I used to be, I'm not the rebellious child that I once was. I've been sharpened and extended. I have one purpose in this place and I've know it for a long time. To Love. It's just as much of an action as it is a feeling.
Therefore.
My response is love. When it's not easy I will love. When I feel unloved I will love. When I am lost I will love.
And I will wait, because I'm am not my own and can not direct my own steps.
Therefore.
My response is love. When it's not easy I will love. When I feel unloved I will love. When I am lost I will love.
And I will wait, because I'm am not my own and can not direct my own steps.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Presta Atención Niña
I should be paying attention to my professor right now.
But right this moment all I can pay attention to is the realization that God has been speaking to me. I've been trying to decipher the words but it sounds like God is calling inside of a tunnel and my life is too noisy for me to hear his words clearly right now. Right now in this class is the longest I've sat down without an agenda in 5 days. Not the longest I've been still but lately every time I'm still I fall asleep because I'm tired not physically but mentally I'm really tired.
Thinking is tiring. Thinking while calculating the chaos around you is even more tiring. However, in the chaos that I've created to stop myself from thinking... God is still talking to me, calling me.
In subtle ways.
A week ago I went to my dad's house, and sitting on the kitchen counter plain as day was my purity ring. Please note that none of my things are anywhere in that house in plain sight also note that I took off in an small act of defiance during a hard time almost exactly a year ago. (side note: serveral months ago I decided to put it back on but I couldn't find it and then I searched for another one but nothing felt right on my finger. Was this a sign? I think yes.)
Last Friday a guy came through the drive through at work and he paid for the drink of the person behind him... the woman behind him almost cried right in front of me when I told her that he said "I want you to have a good day" and then paid for her drink and snack. Her reaction was beauty in my chaos, even more beautiful is that he'll probably never know how much it meant to her.
Last Saturday at my other job a guy came to my register and decided I looked like a girl who knew the bible and said to me, "when you get a chance read Jeremiah 33:3" so I did...
Today I was aimlessly browsing facebook statuses to pass the time and once again God called. God often asks me the same question and tends to use every form of communication possible to ask it, today there it was in a friend's status. "Why are you dying to fit in, when you were made to stand out?" I'm too different to be a background person. Not because I don't want to be because believe me if I could blend I would... I've tried it does not work at all. I'm just not supposed to blend into the background God tells me that all the time. I'm meant to stand up and let Christ's light shine through me.
In my chaos God is calling. These little moments lead me to believe that everything is going to be okae. Friends, I'm not a fighter typically I'm more of a walk away when it gets tough kind of girl but for the first time in my life I want to fight, I just want to push and push until I'm heard. I want to keep asking until someone answers me and I want to try until I can't try anymore. Right now I feel like a lot of things in life sit in a make it or break place for. If it's a break then let's God's will be done but I'm going to fight to make it. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this forever and if not then its back to the drawing board, I'm lucky that I'm not the artist.
There's still beauty in chaos si prestes atención niñita (if you pay attention little girl)
But right this moment all I can pay attention to is the realization that God has been speaking to me. I've been trying to decipher the words but it sounds like God is calling inside of a tunnel and my life is too noisy for me to hear his words clearly right now. Right now in this class is the longest I've sat down without an agenda in 5 days. Not the longest I've been still but lately every time I'm still I fall asleep because I'm tired not physically but mentally I'm really tired.
Thinking is tiring. Thinking while calculating the chaos around you is even more tiring. However, in the chaos that I've created to stop myself from thinking... God is still talking to me, calling me.
In subtle ways.
A week ago I went to my dad's house, and sitting on the kitchen counter plain as day was my purity ring. Please note that none of my things are anywhere in that house in plain sight also note that I took off in an small act of defiance during a hard time almost exactly a year ago. (side note: serveral months ago I decided to put it back on but I couldn't find it and then I searched for another one but nothing felt right on my finger. Was this a sign? I think yes.)
Last Friday a guy came through the drive through at work and he paid for the drink of the person behind him... the woman behind him almost cried right in front of me when I told her that he said "I want you to have a good day" and then paid for her drink and snack. Her reaction was beauty in my chaos, even more beautiful is that he'll probably never know how much it meant to her.
Last Saturday at my other job a guy came to my register and decided I looked like a girl who knew the bible and said to me, "when you get a chance read Jeremiah 33:3" so I did...
Jeremiah 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.
Today I was aimlessly browsing facebook statuses to pass the time and once again God called. God often asks me the same question and tends to use every form of communication possible to ask it, today there it was in a friend's status. "Why are you dying to fit in, when you were made to stand out?" I'm too different to be a background person. Not because I don't want to be because believe me if I could blend I would... I've tried it does not work at all. I'm just not supposed to blend into the background God tells me that all the time. I'm meant to stand up and let Christ's light shine through me.
In my chaos God is calling. These little moments lead me to believe that everything is going to be okae. Friends, I'm not a fighter typically I'm more of a walk away when it gets tough kind of girl but for the first time in my life I want to fight, I just want to push and push until I'm heard. I want to keep asking until someone answers me and I want to try until I can't try anymore. Right now I feel like a lot of things in life sit in a make it or break place for. If it's a break then let's God's will be done but I'm going to fight to make it. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this forever and if not then its back to the drawing board, I'm lucky that I'm not the artist.
There's still beauty in chaos si prestes atención niñita (if you pay attention little girl)
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Remember when I said
That I was going to graduate in December of this year
Well we're back to May of next year. If you're keeping track of my life on a score card, current tally Christina 0 Indecision 5.2 million. I'm really indecisive about most things. So I went to see my academic advisor today I needed someone to help me figure out what to do and well even though there are a zillion students at ASU, and I have my beef with that; I must say that my academic advisor is fabulous. I've actually managed to have the same advisor for 4 years, which is near impossible at a school as large as mine. So whenever I go in he know what's up and is ready to help based not only on his knowledge of ASU related things but of me too.
I went in to discuss the dropping of my minor. Not what happened.
I walked away with my minor in tact and I picked up a certificate. To make the extra year worth education, my problem was I didn't want to pay to be half time two semesters in a row, but if I could be full time without wasting time taking fillers that's AWESOME! Plus the fillers that I thought I was wasting my time taking before actually apply to the certificate I picked up and that's even more awesome!
So all in all awesome! I'm officially committed to being a college graduate in the Class of 2012.
Well we're back to May of next year. If you're keeping track of my life on a score card, current tally Christina 0 Indecision 5.2 million. I'm really indecisive about most things. So I went to see my academic advisor today I needed someone to help me figure out what to do and well even though there are a zillion students at ASU, and I have my beef with that; I must say that my academic advisor is fabulous. I've actually managed to have the same advisor for 4 years, which is near impossible at a school as large as mine. So whenever I go in he know what's up and is ready to help based not only on his knowledge of ASU related things but of me too.
I went in to discuss the dropping of my minor. Not what happened.
I walked away with my minor in tact and I picked up a certificate. To make the extra year worth education, my problem was I didn't want to pay to be half time two semesters in a row, but if I could be full time without wasting time taking fillers that's AWESOME! Plus the fillers that I thought I was wasting my time taking before actually apply to the certificate I picked up and that's even more awesome!
So all in all awesome! I'm officially committed to being a college graduate in the Class of 2012.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Is God Sending Me Messages via Jon Acuff
I'm human so I think the world revolves around me. It doesn't but I think it does so when I read a blog post or listen to a sermon by anyone that completely reflects my head space I automatically think the author of what I just heard or read is stalking me.
My favorite blogger, Jon Acuff, is stalking me.
You can read his post here also feel free to read his blog regularly. Excuse me while I go get on his promotions team because I'm always telling someone to read his blog or books.
In the event that you didn't follow the link allow me to display the part of his post that I want to talk about.
The above excerpt from the bible and Jon Acuff commentary shall serve as proof that I no longer have to drag my feet.
God will decide what I'm going to do for the rest of forever. I don't have to he's already done it. There will not be fireworks and Vegas lights around my path, but I'll find it. I just have be obedient to God's unfolding will for my life.
My favorite blogger, Jon Acuff, is stalking me.
You can read his post here also feel free to read his blog regularly. Excuse me while I go get on his promotions team because I'm always telling someone to read his blog or books.
In the event that you didn't follow the link allow me to display the part of his post that I want to talk about.
Exodus 6:6-8
"I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.”
Look at what he says:
I will bring you out, I will free you, I will redeem you, I will take you as my own people, I will be your God, I will bring you to the land I swore, I will give it to you.
Seven times, in three verses, God reminds the Israelites and us that he never calls us on adventures alone.
The above excerpt from the bible and Jon Acuff commentary shall serve as proof that I no longer have to drag my feet.
God will decide what I'm going to do for the rest of forever. I don't have to he's already done it. There will not be fireworks and Vegas lights around my path, but I'll find it. I just have be obedient to God's unfolding will for my life.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Put It Into Serious Consideration
So we all know I'm dragging my feet in life. I'm Miss "I was on track to graduate but I declared a minor because I got scared and didn't know what to do after I left Young Life staff and I let some people make me feel impractical for being a Spanish major so I declared an equally as impractical minor so I would have time to think" LoL. Dang I have a long name.
I'm on a slow hike I'm just taking my time, stretching, sitting down for breaks, looking at all the flowers and smelling each individual one. I don't feel prepared for the next step in my life so I've been making sure to take as long as possible so I have taking extra time so I can over analyze every last option. However the following has recently occurred to me...
God is bigger than me.
I don't know how many times God has proved said(I now think of my friend Lizz every time I use that word, that way) fact to me but seriously how many times has God shown up in my life and told me "Christina, stop trying so hard I'm bigger than you and I can do it, let me do it." Its been pretty often my friends, honestly I can't count them but just think about how many times our God has told you that same thing and then feel free to multiply it by some astronomical number that's how often God has reminded me that he is a big guy.
I'm putting some things into serious consideration.
1. Graduating in December. Every reason I have given myself to rationalize graduating next spring just seems sillier and sillier everyday the only real reason is that two of my classes aren't supposed to be taken at the same time, but I'm sure I can get an override if I needed it.
2. Grad School
I do want a masters degree and what better time than the present. I could use my time and energy towards a more practical degree.
3. Seminary
If I'm really honest with myself this is actually what I want to do. Ministry has my heart. The only thing in life I like as much as sharing the Gospel is small children. Perhaps I shall go to seminary and then share the Gospel with small children.
4. Interning
This idea may have been planted in my head. Through conversations with some people whose opinions I value. However I did always say that I would intern with some organization internationally when I graduated. I'm a Spanish major for crying out loud. Also I've been thinking about Interning for Young Life, property and field just in case you were wondering. There are things I love about both and I wouldn't be opposed to either. And again if I'm being honest with myself this is what I want to do too. I could go Seminary while interning nothing to stop me there, I'm sure some killer AD would take me under their wing and not only allow but encourage me to attend seminary. Just saying.
I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm done dragging my feet time to just run with Jesus and let him decide where I'm going God is big look where he found me and where I am now. Look at people he has made us all to be. Why be afraid of what he has planned for us? Our God is good, and he gives to those who love him and well
I LOVE ME SOME GOD
I'm on a slow hike I'm just taking my time, stretching, sitting down for breaks, looking at all the flowers and smelling each individual one. I don't feel prepared for the next step in my life so I've been making sure to take as long as possible so I have taking extra time so I can over analyze every last option. However the following has recently occurred to me...
I don't know how many times God has proved said(I now think of my friend Lizz every time I use that word, that way) fact to me but seriously how many times has God shown up in my life and told me "Christina, stop trying so hard I'm bigger than you and I can do it, let me do it." Its been pretty often my friends, honestly I can't count them but just think about how many times our God has told you that same thing and then feel free to multiply it by some astronomical number that's how often God has reminded me that he is a big guy.
I'm putting some things into serious consideration.
1. Graduating in December. Every reason I have given myself to rationalize graduating next spring just seems sillier and sillier everyday the only real reason is that two of my classes aren't supposed to be taken at the same time, but I'm sure I can get an override if I needed it.
2. Grad School
I do want a masters degree and what better time than the present. I could use my time and energy towards a more practical degree.
3. Seminary
If I'm really honest with myself this is actually what I want to do. Ministry has my heart. The only thing in life I like as much as sharing the Gospel is small children. Perhaps I shall go to seminary and then share the Gospel with small children.
4. Interning
This idea may have been planted in my head. Through conversations with some people whose opinions I value. However I did always say that I would intern with some organization internationally when I graduated. I'm a Spanish major for crying out loud. Also I've been thinking about Interning for Young Life, property and field just in case you were wondering. There are things I love about both and I wouldn't be opposed to either. And again if I'm being honest with myself this is what I want to do too. I could go Seminary while interning nothing to stop me there, I'm sure some killer AD would take me under their wing and not only allow but encourage me to attend seminary. Just saying.
I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm done dragging my feet time to just run with Jesus and let him decide where I'm going God is big look where he found me and where I am now. Look at people he has made us all to be. Why be afraid of what he has planned for us? Our God is good, and he gives to those who love him and well
Monday, February 7, 2011
I have these friends...
I love my friends. All of them, I'm seriously a blessed child because when I think about it. I've had the privilege of being a part of the lives of so many really awesome people. Thank you, God(I'm working on remembering to utter that phrase), for giving me the greatest friends ever. Some of my friends remind me of how lucky I am every time I talk to them. Two of them in particular shall be mentioned here.
The first friend I'll mention knows me, we're the same person and its kind of weird in a way because sometimes we say the same things and have the same ideas. I'm convinced that we're friends because we talk about Jesus and real things but we have fun, make jokes then we come up with ridiculous ideas and theories too. I'm also convinced we're going to be friends forever. What a blessing.
The second friend I'll mention is dope but we weren't always tight. Back in the day we were frequently accused of being fake friends by our other friends. However God had other plans for our friendship and now a days people notice how much we love each other. One of my favorite things about our friendship is that said friend is protective. Sometimes I can sense my friend's annoyance when we talk about anyone who isn't treating me right. Not many people I know are openly protective of me so it's cool. A huge blessing.
I mentioned in another post that I've been wrestling with God and I feel like I have to fight for a lot of things right now. One of which is my ministry. I was lucky enough to get to talk to both of my aforementioned (college word from the lit major) friends today. In our conversations today they reminded me of why I have to fight.
I love what I do. Simple I don't know why I didn't see it on my own. I figured God was up for a wrestle with me, since I typically let things go. But I really really love what I do. I love God and my life as a Christian. I love the Gospel. I love teens and I believe that they have the right to hear the Gospel. Not only do I love ministry but I'm kinda good at it. I forget that I'm good at it. I'm not the best not even close I have a million and 7 things to learn. But I'm good and I have been chosen and because my friends are awesome they affirmed it without even know that they did. Thanks friends for being amazing. Thank you God, for giving me such amazing friends. :)
(Does God get emoticons{fancy for smileys}?)
The first friend I'll mention knows me, we're the same person and its kind of weird in a way because sometimes we say the same things and have the same ideas. I'm convinced that we're friends because we talk about Jesus and real things but we have fun, make jokes then we come up with ridiculous ideas and theories too. I'm also convinced we're going to be friends forever. What a blessing.
The second friend I'll mention is dope but we weren't always tight. Back in the day we were frequently accused of being fake friends by our other friends. However God had other plans for our friendship and now a days people notice how much we love each other. One of my favorite things about our friendship is that said friend is protective. Sometimes I can sense my friend's annoyance when we talk about anyone who isn't treating me right. Not many people I know are openly protective of me so it's cool. A huge blessing.
I mentioned in another post that I've been wrestling with God and I feel like I have to fight for a lot of things right now. One of which is my ministry. I was lucky enough to get to talk to both of my aforementioned (college word from the lit major) friends today. In our conversations today they reminded me of why I have to fight.
I love what I do. Simple I don't know why I didn't see it on my own. I figured God was up for a wrestle with me, since I typically let things go. But I really really love what I do. I love God and my life as a Christian. I love the Gospel. I love teens and I believe that they have the right to hear the Gospel. Not only do I love ministry but I'm kinda good at it. I forget that I'm good at it. I'm not the best not even close I have a million and 7 things to learn. But I'm good and I have been chosen and because my friends are awesome they affirmed it without even know that they did. Thanks friends for being amazing. Thank you God, for giving me such amazing friends. :)
(Does God get emoticons{fancy for smileys}?)
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