Ah I've been a blogger for a year. :) Exciting! 2010 was such an amazing year. I don't know how anything can top 2010 so I'm showing up to 2011 with no expectations.
Things I am committing myself to
1. BLOGGING! I'm so terrible at updating this thing but I'm going to do better. I promise friends I'm going to do better.
2. Taking pictures... I need to document my life better how am I ever going to remember all the things we say and do in these days. All the places I've gone? The things I've done how will I ever remember in 2 weeks much less 4 years? Plus I'm planning on living this next year up I'm almost out of college. Who knows what's next for me. I'm gonna live like I'm dying.
3. No not literally dying but dying none the less. I would say the most interesting thing I learned at the end of last year was that I need to die to myself to be more free. Free to live my life the way it was intended to be. So yeah I'm dying more and more every day.
4. I'm going to read more this year I love books I love being cozy and reading books. I love pages and pictures and words. I love words. I really do.
5. I'm reading the bible more, I just started a reading plan that will take me through the whole bible in by my next birthday. I've read it all but over time never straight though in a close time period so I'm on it and excited.
6. I talked to my Grandma a few days ago, I'm not saying what we talked about because I don't want to spoil it but just know that I'm super duper excited. The woman has some amazing intuition and when she says things it's real and sometimes things in my life don't seem real until I tell her. So just know I'm excited and I can barely contain myself... but I'm being patient.
7. Of course I make commitments in 7's it's my favorite number. I'm seizing every opportunity before me that I can and praising God for all of my blessings. Every day I'm praising God.
So bring it 2011 let's see what you're made of.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Thursday, December 16, 2010
It's my Rain Jacket.
Ever have a day that you think you'll remember forever because it was just a really good day. Nothing out of the ordinary but just really good? Today was one of those days for me.
1. I woke up and it was still dark in my room. Which meant OVERCAST but oh no I walked out and it was raining. First and foremost I love any excuse to put on my fly green rain jacket and wear it all day but when it rains and I don't look stupid, don't get me wrong I don't care if I look stupid, its just that I prefer to look prepared which I do when it's raining.
2. I saw Jesus a lot today. I feel like He might have been screaming at me so I would actually see him. I saw you Jesus. I know it's my rain jacket, that made me see Him, it has powers.
3. I got to hang out with like a million different people that I love today. Had some really good conversations with Jocelyn, Sarah, and Aubrey. Ate pizza and wings with Oscar, Rikki and Aubrey.
4. I went to campaigners for the first time this semester and Kim asked me to share the Word. Which was extra fun. Glendale/Apollo girls are a blast. I Love Love them.
5. Oscar Adame said this to me today too: "I RSVPed for two... I always RSVP for two."
6. Aubrey said something funny... I was gonna quote her... I can't remember.
7. I seriously loved today! I telling you friends, it's my rain jacket, I feel it in my bones. (LoL old ladies say that)
1. I woke up and it was still dark in my room. Which meant OVERCAST but oh no I walked out and it was raining. First and foremost I love any excuse to put on my fly green rain jacket and wear it all day but when it rains and I don't look stupid, don't get me wrong I don't care if I look stupid, its just that I prefer to look prepared which I do when it's raining.
2. I saw Jesus a lot today. I feel like He might have been screaming at me so I would actually see him. I saw you Jesus. I know it's my rain jacket, that made me see Him, it has powers.
3. I got to hang out with like a million different people that I love today. Had some really good conversations with Jocelyn, Sarah, and Aubrey. Ate pizza and wings with Oscar, Rikki and Aubrey.
4. I went to campaigners for the first time this semester and Kim asked me to share the Word. Which was extra fun. Glendale/Apollo girls are a blast. I Love Love them.
5. Oscar Adame said this to me today too: "I RSVPed for two... I always RSVP for two."
6. Aubrey said something funny... I was gonna quote her... I can't remember.
7. I seriously loved today! I telling you friends, it's my rain jacket, I feel it in my bones. (LoL old ladies say that)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Silence is Golden
So I had a really crappy week of considerable misfortune. I'll spare you my sob story; just know it was depressing. So today I didn't have to work, and last night I hit a wall and because all of my firends are either gone or busy, I'm alone. Speaking of I think I've had the loneliest year of my life, that I've been aware of. Every other time in my life that I've been lonely I've been in some kind of disfunctional place so I don't remember feeling to well, its a blurr. But I think I'll remember this year for the rest of my life because God has put me here for me to remember the feeling, all of the feelings, all of the things I've trapsed through the walls that have been knocked down. This has been a transformational time for me. I'm close to being 22 and I'm not who I was a year ago. I'm more raw a lot more vulnerable and the weird thing is that I'm vulnerable and willing to share that. I used to try and be cool and not say anything but I'm feeling too old to be cool now.
I haven't spoken a word since 6 pm last night, excluding saying hi to an old professor looking dude. So correction a whispered "hi" is the only word I've spoken since 6pm last night. This morning I spent 5 hours in my closet, in the dark. I'm weird, I know but it was too bright in my room for me to meditate, the light was distracting. I spent the last 24 hrs. deep in prayer and trying to assess my life the past 3 years. I realized that I've spent a lot of time trying to do things myself. It's exhausting to say the least. I'm tired. I'm worn out trying to be responsible for myself. Trying rise above the tragic story that is my home life, trying to look like I have it together, trying to hold myself together. GAH it's hard. Seriously its hard, I'm a mess. I'm a mess of a person and I've discovered that I NEED God. I always knew that I needed God but seriously I NEED GOD. My current silence has shown me that I have to get up daily and recognize that I need God in every corner of my life. Even the neatly tucked away messes that I tend to ignore. I have to unwrap them and let God in.
My series of unfortunate events this week feels like a life time of doing it myself catching up to me. Years and years of God saying, "Let me do it Christina." Then me saying. "No I got it God see. See I can do it, I can get it together, I got it God, don't you worry about it." Wrong I don't have it. I don't have anything, I can't do it. God can do it; I can't... seriously how many times do I have to say it before I realize that God means it about everything? There's nothing too small or to big for the Creator of the Universe.
Funny how the things I heard God speak to me when I was at Lost Canyon this summer keep coming up. No more walls, break them all down. Welp I'll call keeping a mess tucked away and saying I got it God a wall and in my 24 hours of silence, prayer and fasting it's been knocked over. I'll continue my self-created solitude until I have to go to work tomorrow so that my reflection and wall busting up settles in before I embark on my chaotic life again.
Silence is Golden.
I haven't spoken a word since 6 pm last night, excluding saying hi to an old professor looking dude. So correction a whispered "hi" is the only word I've spoken since 6pm last night. This morning I spent 5 hours in my closet, in the dark. I'm weird, I know but it was too bright in my room for me to meditate, the light was distracting. I spent the last 24 hrs. deep in prayer and trying to assess my life the past 3 years. I realized that I've spent a lot of time trying to do things myself. It's exhausting to say the least. I'm tired. I'm worn out trying to be responsible for myself. Trying rise above the tragic story that is my home life, trying to look like I have it together, trying to hold myself together. GAH it's hard. Seriously its hard, I'm a mess. I'm a mess of a person and I've discovered that I NEED God. I always knew that I needed God but seriously I NEED GOD. My current silence has shown me that I have to get up daily and recognize that I need God in every corner of my life. Even the neatly tucked away messes that I tend to ignore. I have to unwrap them and let God in.
My series of unfortunate events this week feels like a life time of doing it myself catching up to me. Years and years of God saying, "Let me do it Christina." Then me saying. "No I got it God see. See I can do it, I can get it together, I got it God, don't you worry about it." Wrong I don't have it. I don't have anything, I can't do it. God can do it; I can't... seriously how many times do I have to say it before I realize that God means it about everything? There's nothing too small or to big for the Creator of the Universe.
Funny how the things I heard God speak to me when I was at Lost Canyon this summer keep coming up. No more walls, break them all down. Welp I'll call keeping a mess tucked away and saying I got it God a wall and in my 24 hours of silence, prayer and fasting it's been knocked over. I'll continue my self-created solitude until I have to go to work tomorrow so that my reflection and wall busting up settles in before I embark on my chaotic life again.
Silence is Golden.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
OBSESSED
My head hurts from trying to study for this test that I don't really think I'm going to pass... I desperately wish I had been smart enough to withdraw months ago... I'm just no go in test situations, especially when I feel like I don't understand my professor... he's cool I just don't get him on most days. So I'm giving myself a 30 minute break from studying. What a good time to blog!
I'm obsessed with several things in life right now. I want to share.
First: the book of Psalms in the Bible. Such a good read. Today's pick:
Psalm 45
It's so pretty and poetic.
Second: Crazy Love by Francis Chan
This book is so good. Every chapter I read I end up feeling more confident in the way I walk with Jesus and at the same time I feel wrecked, called out and challenged. I don't know how Chan wrote this book but I think Jesus was in the room.
Third: Grape Jelly Uncrustables
Okae so I hate peanut butter, I think it is soooo gross but I love these little things. The peanut butter doesn't matter. I've had at least 1 every day for like a week straight.
Fourth:
Literatura barroca... because that's what my test is on and I spent at least 8 hours obsessively reading about it.
Fifth and Final:
The idea of the fast approaching winter break. Ah I can't wait I so want to have a life again and I want to see my friends and hang out, maybe go to a movie preferably at the Drive In movie theater, I drove by it the other day I desperately want to find someone who it down to go. Plus I'm turning 22 during the break in 23 days. I'll be 22 :) I decided not to cry about it.
I'm obsessed with several things in life right now. I want to share.
First: the book of Psalms in the Bible. Such a good read. Today's pick:
Psalm 45
It's so pretty and poetic.
Second: Crazy Love by Francis Chan
This book is so good. Every chapter I read I end up feeling more confident in the way I walk with Jesus and at the same time I feel wrecked, called out and challenged. I don't know how Chan wrote this book but I think Jesus was in the room.
Third: Grape Jelly Uncrustables
Okae so I hate peanut butter, I think it is soooo gross but I love these little things. The peanut butter doesn't matter. I've had at least 1 every day for like a week straight.
Fourth:
Literatura barroca... because that's what my test is on and I spent at least 8 hours obsessively reading about it.
Fifth and Final:
The idea of the fast approaching winter break. Ah I can't wait I so want to have a life again and I want to see my friends and hang out, maybe go to a movie preferably at the Drive In movie theater, I drove by it the other day I desperately want to find someone who it down to go. Plus I'm turning 22 during the break in 23 days. I'll be 22 :) I decided not to cry about it.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Faith and Anxiety
Part of me just likes to write when I don't feel well.
You know how sometimes you go to church and you listen to the sermon and you learn something cool; and then on other days you go to church and you are almost positive that the pastor spent a considerable amount of time stalking you and wrote his sermon based on the things he saw in your life? That's how I felt when I went to church on Sunday.
I haven't really found a home since I moved to Phoenix so I've been church hopping going here and there with whatever friend will let me be a tag along on Sunday morning. The past two Sundays I went to The Vineyard with my friends Federico and last Sunday Alicia, his girlfriend and my friend, was with us too. I've been before but these two times I really learned some cool things that I'm working on applying in my life. I'm a first service kinda girl, it makes a world of difference for me, I hear The Word better.
Back to the story. So I know the Pastor didn't spend the last month of his life stalking me in mine because he was a guest pastor from Michigan. He's wasn't even here in Phoenix long enough stalk me. Otherwise I would have been convinced. The sermon was about calming anxiety with the power of the Lord. He talked about practical ways to calm your heart with prayer. All of us get a little anxious from time to time but some of us suffer from it. I'm a sufferer. I probably should be on some kind of medication but I fear medicating would just make me feel worse so I don't go to the doctor for it. Instead I've developed this long list of coping mechanisms. One thing that wasn't on my list was Jesus. How silly of me. The one thing that should be at the top of every list in my life wasn't on my list of ways to cope with my anxiety. Don't get me wrong I've tried to pray my anxiety away, I've begged on hands and knees to not suffer from anxiety anymore. I've petitioned to God for it to be taken away completely more than a million times I've asked. I've been pray for and prayed over before but it doesn't go away. I thought it did because until this past summer I hadn't had a panic attack due to my anxiety since high school. But alas it doesn't go away, it rests. Like a dormant volcano it rests waiting to be triggered so it can erupt into my life at Universal Studios or some other completely inconvenient place. It just doesn't leave me, it won't leave me, I don't know if it ever will. I desperately wish it would, but Sunday I realized that in the moments that my mind and body lock up from fear I've never asked God to be in it with me. I breathe deeply and concentrate on the rhythm of my every breath, but I don't notice that I'm breathing in The Spirit. I make myself small and think about oceans and I rock as though the waves are causing me to move back and forth, but I don't notice that those are God's waves on His ocean and that he's the one causing me to sway. I don't pick up on the divine all around me. The divine that could calm my heart.
I'm particularly anxious today I don't know what's the source of it and I've never known what sends me from fine to manageable anxiety to full panic but I'll make it through the day walking by faith.
And with prayer
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, the sinner.
You know how sometimes you go to church and you listen to the sermon and you learn something cool; and then on other days you go to church and you are almost positive that the pastor spent a considerable amount of time stalking you and wrote his sermon based on the things he saw in your life? That's how I felt when I went to church on Sunday.
I haven't really found a home since I moved to Phoenix so I've been church hopping going here and there with whatever friend will let me be a tag along on Sunday morning. The past two Sundays I went to The Vineyard with my friends Federico and last Sunday Alicia, his girlfriend and my friend, was with us too. I've been before but these two times I really learned some cool things that I'm working on applying in my life. I'm a first service kinda girl, it makes a world of difference for me, I hear The Word better.
Back to the story. So I know the Pastor didn't spend the last month of his life stalking me in mine because he was a guest pastor from Michigan. He's wasn't even here in Phoenix long enough stalk me. Otherwise I would have been convinced. The sermon was about calming anxiety with the power of the Lord. He talked about practical ways to calm your heart with prayer. All of us get a little anxious from time to time but some of us suffer from it. I'm a sufferer. I probably should be on some kind of medication but I fear medicating would just make me feel worse so I don't go to the doctor for it. Instead I've developed this long list of coping mechanisms. One thing that wasn't on my list was Jesus. How silly of me. The one thing that should be at the top of every list in my life wasn't on my list of ways to cope with my anxiety. Don't get me wrong I've tried to pray my anxiety away, I've begged on hands and knees to not suffer from anxiety anymore. I've petitioned to God for it to be taken away completely more than a million times I've asked. I've been pray for and prayed over before but it doesn't go away. I thought it did because until this past summer I hadn't had a panic attack due to my anxiety since high school. But alas it doesn't go away, it rests. Like a dormant volcano it rests waiting to be triggered so it can erupt into my life at Universal Studios or some other completely inconvenient place. It just doesn't leave me, it won't leave me, I don't know if it ever will. I desperately wish it would, but Sunday I realized that in the moments that my mind and body lock up from fear I've never asked God to be in it with me. I breathe deeply and concentrate on the rhythm of my every breath, but I don't notice that I'm breathing in The Spirit. I make myself small and think about oceans and I rock as though the waves are causing me to move back and forth, but I don't notice that those are God's waves on His ocean and that he's the one causing me to sway. I don't pick up on the divine all around me. The divine that could calm my heart.
I'm particularly anxious today I don't know what's the source of it and I've never known what sends me from fine to manageable anxiety to full panic but I'll make it through the day walking by faith.
And with prayer
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, the sinner.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Sometimes I wear my rain jacket when its not raining.
Today I'm wearing my rain jacket. It's not raining and I know that it isn't going to rain. But when I opened my closet this morning I saw the sweet green sleeves peeking out from that back of the closet so I had to put it on. This sweet purchase was made on a lucky day. It's my lucky rain jacket... even though I only have one. Let me tell you how I got it. I was wandering stores in Flagstaff this summer on one of my days off. There's no where to shop in Flag... everyone knows that... but all I wanted was a rain jacket so I could survive monsoon season at Lost Canyon but every store I went in all day I had absolutely no luck. Then I went to the Flagstaff mall... world's worst mall. I walked into this department store to give it one last shot at the door I told myself "this is the last store, if I don't find something I like that is less than $50 I going home without a rain jacket." I walked straight to the woman's outdoors section and there it was, in all of it's lime green glory there it was. I needed it immediately based on the cute shade of lime green that it was but I wasn't going to spend a million bucks to have it. "It never rains in Phoenix, its the desert. I live in Phoenix, I can't justify buying it if its super expensive," I told myself. So I turned the tag.... $29.99 said the tag in red. What??? A fancy smancy Columbia Omni-Sheild rain jacket that retails at $80 was on sale for $30, that's the shopping equivalent of striking oil. So of course I bought it. I'm sure it was on sale because no one wants a lime green rain jacket, but sometimes I like things that other people don't and sometimes I like things that everyone likes. I'm the girl who wears her rain jacket when its not raining and she knows it isn't going to rain. That's just who I am. I just wanted wear it, I mean it doubles as a great wind breaker but it's for sure a rain jacket, and I want it to be a rain jacket.
Sometimes in life we have to walk into a department store and give it one last shot. (come on if you read anything I've ever written you know I like metaphors) Seriously think about it, how many times have you wanted something in life and spent a considerable amount of time pursuing it and then you gave up on it only to realize that you really want it? I bet you can think of at least one time. Maybe you wanted a certain job or a certain degree. Maybe you wanted to go some place or do something. Maybe there's someone you gave up on. No one knows except you and Jesus.
There's this random department store in my life that I'm going to walk into and give it one last shot. I stood at the door but then I got scared and I walked away and I got back in my car. Then I got really scared and I turned on the car to drive away but before I did I tried to get God to tell me my rain jacket wasn't in the store so I could drive away in peace and feel good about it, but I can't get my no. I'm so weird I wanted God to tell me no and he won't, the one time I want a no I can't have it the million times I didn't want a no I got them. That's my God always mixing it up.
I'm not sure how get back to the door or how it's going to go but I'm going to approach the door to the department store in prayer then I'm going to walk in and see what happens. If my rain jacket isn't in there then it's not in there but I'm not going to not walk into the store. I don't know why God won't tell me no, but I'm not interpreting it as yes because I don't hear that either. I just feel like I have to go into the store. I'll never know if it's in there if I get in the car and drive away.
I'm random... welcome to my wild mind.
Sometimes in life we have to walk into a department store and give it one last shot. (come on if you read anything I've ever written you know I like metaphors) Seriously think about it, how many times have you wanted something in life and spent a considerable amount of time pursuing it and then you gave up on it only to realize that you really want it? I bet you can think of at least one time. Maybe you wanted a certain job or a certain degree. Maybe you wanted to go some place or do something. Maybe there's someone you gave up on. No one knows except you and Jesus.
There's this random department store in my life that I'm going to walk into and give it one last shot. I stood at the door but then I got scared and I walked away and I got back in my car. Then I got really scared and I turned on the car to drive away but before I did I tried to get God to tell me my rain jacket wasn't in the store so I could drive away in peace and feel good about it, but I can't get my no. I'm so weird I wanted God to tell me no and he won't, the one time I want a no I can't have it the million times I didn't want a no I got them. That's my God always mixing it up.
I'm not sure how get back to the door or how it's going to go but I'm going to approach the door to the department store in prayer then I'm going to walk in and see what happens. If my rain jacket isn't in there then it's not in there but I'm not going to not walk into the store. I don't know why God won't tell me no, but I'm not interpreting it as yes because I don't hear that either. I just feel like I have to go into the store. I'll never know if it's in there if I get in the car and drive away.
I'm random... welcome to my wild mind.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Too Good to Die.
I'm cleaning up my Facebook. I'm considering a friend purge but I might not do it because one time I got deleted(very justified I'd have deleted me too) and I noticed that said individual deleted me and I was a little hurt(but again it was justified) so I don't want to do that to people.
However my favorite quotes are too good to be gone forever. So they shall live on here on my blog.
LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Cor. 13:4-7 My favorite verses, ever written.
"Does this mean I'm being deported to hell?" - Alex Barr
Christina: Why don't kids play Ring Around the Rosie anymore?
Rikki: Cause its horrible, its about anthrax.
Christina: No its not, its about the black plague...
Rikki: yeah that's what I meant.
(Please note that in the following Ryan was super sleepy while we were talking)
Me: I'm coloring Samson right now and he looks really fruity because I chose green and orange to color him.
Ryan Guzman: Wait who are you coloring?
Me: Samson you know like Samson from the bible.
Ryan: Wait why are you using green like is his skin green?
Me: No his skin is not green his clothes are I picked green and orange for his clothes.
Ryan: Oh right just to let you know its supposed to be green and purple.
Me: No it isn't who decided that?
Ryan: OH DUDE never mind I was thinking of The Hulk.
"I'm kinda disappointed that you don't live to answer my phone calls... if I ever win the lottery I'm going to pay you to wait around for me to call you." - Ryan Guzman
Rikki: I hate sitting this close to the screen
Rikki's little sister: At least I get to see Taylor Lautner's nipples up close.
"I can't fall if I'm holding him"- Lance Mckee
"FUN NUGGETS!!!... (a lot quieter) I found them" -Me, at Midnight in response to finding dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.
"I don't do drugs I am drugs"- Salvador Dali
Me: "Well you don't want your feet to get wet right?"
4 yr. old: "Well sometimes my feet get wet in the shower"
(I love kids)
"Go fist pump yourself" - Jonathan Michael Rodriguez
"Am I wearing goggles"-Lance Mckee
"Its kinda poetic. lol (I don't know why but I wanted to sound sophisticated hahaha)" -Jonathan Michael Rodriguez
and a couple videos for your viewing pleasure
This one is in Romanian so just watch it and don't worry about the words... she's singing about Santa being there, and that's her (real life) dad and he's telling her that Santa only comes to good kids but she says it doesn't matter if she was good or bad because Santa is already there and she only wants one thing from Santa, her boyfriend Ghita back. Just watch
and a throwback
was Justin serious about that hairstyle?
However my favorite quotes are too good to be gone forever. So they shall live on here on my blog.
LOVE is patient, LOVE is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. LOVE does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Cor. 13:4-7 My favorite verses, ever written.
"Does this mean I'm being deported to hell?" - Alex Barr
Christina: Why don't kids play Ring Around the Rosie anymore?
Rikki: Cause its horrible, its about anthrax.
Christina: No its not, its about the black plague...
Rikki: yeah that's what I meant.
(Please note that in the following Ryan was super sleepy while we were talking)
Me: I'm coloring Samson right now and he looks really fruity because I chose green and orange to color him.
Ryan Guzman: Wait who are you coloring?
Me: Samson you know like Samson from the bible.
Ryan: Wait why are you using green like is his skin green?
Me: No his skin is not green his clothes are I picked green and orange for his clothes.
Ryan: Oh right just to let you know its supposed to be green and purple.
Me: No it isn't who decided that?
Ryan: OH DUDE never mind I was thinking of The Hulk.
"I'm kinda disappointed that you don't live to answer my phone calls... if I ever win the lottery I'm going to pay you to wait around for me to call you." - Ryan Guzman
Rikki: I hate sitting this close to the screen
Rikki's little sister: At least I get to see Taylor Lautner's nipples up close.
"I can't fall if I'm holding him"- Lance Mckee
"FUN NUGGETS!!!... (a lot quieter) I found them" -Me, at Midnight in response to finding dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.
"I don't do drugs I am drugs"- Salvador Dali
Me: "Well you don't want your feet to get wet right?"
4 yr. old: "Well sometimes my feet get wet in the shower"
(I love kids)
"Go fist pump yourself" - Jonathan Michael Rodriguez
"Am I wearing goggles"-Lance Mckee
"Its kinda poetic. lol (I don't know why but I wanted to sound sophisticated hahaha)" -Jonathan Michael Rodriguez
and a couple videos for your viewing pleasure
This one is in Romanian so just watch it and don't worry about the words... she's singing about Santa being there, and that's her (real life) dad and he's telling her that Santa only comes to good kids but she says it doesn't matter if she was good or bad because Santa is already there and she only wants one thing from Santa, her boyfriend Ghita back. Just watch
and a throwback
was Justin serious about that hairstyle?
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