Presta Atención Niña

I should be paying attention to my professor right now.

But right this moment all I can pay attention to is the realization that God has been speaking to me. I've been trying to decipher the words but it sounds like God is calling inside of a tunnel and my life is too noisy for me to hear his words clearly right now. Right now in this class is the longest I've sat down without an agenda in 5 days. Not the longest I've been still but lately every time I'm still I fall asleep because I'm tired not physically but mentally I'm really tired.

Thinking is tiring. Thinking while calculating the chaos around you is even more tiring. However, in the chaos that I've created to stop myself from thinking... God is still talking to me, calling me.

In subtle ways.

A week ago I went to my dad's house, and sitting on the kitchen counter plain as day was my purity ring. Please note that none of my things are anywhere in that house in plain sight also note that I took off in an small act of defiance during a hard time almost exactly a year ago. (side note: serveral months ago I decided to put it back on but I couldn't find it and then I searched for another one but nothing felt right on my finger. Was this a sign? I think yes.)

Last Friday a guy came through the drive through at work and he paid for the drink of the person behind him... the woman behind him almost cried right in front of me when I told her that he said "I want you to have a good day" and then paid for her drink and snack. Her reaction was beauty in my chaos, even more beautiful is that he'll probably never know how much it meant to her.

Last Saturday at my other job a guy came to my register and decided I looked like a girl who knew the bible and said to me, "when you get a chance read Jeremiah 33:3" so I did...

Jeremiah 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Today I was aimlessly browsing facebook statuses to pass the time and once again God called. God often asks me the same question and tends to use every form of communication possible to ask it, today there it was in a friend's status. "Why are you dying to fit in, when you were made to stand out?" I'm too different to be a background person. Not because I don't want to be because believe me if I could blend I would... I've tried it does not work at all. I'm just not supposed to blend into the background God tells me that all the time. I'm meant to stand up and let Christ's light shine through me.

In my chaos God is calling. These little moments lead me to believe that everything is going to be okae. Friends, I'm not a fighter typically I'm more of a walk away when it gets tough kind of girl but for the first time in my life I want to fight, I just want to push and push until I'm heard. I want to keep asking until someone answers me and I want to try until I can't try anymore. Right now I feel like a lot of things in life sit in a make it or break place for. If it's a break then let's God's will be done but I'm going to fight to make it. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this forever and if not then its back to the drawing board, I'm lucky that I'm not the artist.


There's still beauty in chaos si prestes atención niñita (if you pay attention little girl)

Remember when I said

That I was going to graduate in December of this year

Well we're back to May of next year. If you're keeping track of my life on a score card, current tally Christina 0 Indecision 5.2 million. I'm really indecisive about most things. So I went to see my academic advisor today I needed someone to help me figure out what to do and well even though there are a zillion students at ASU, and I have my beef with that; I must say that my academic advisor is fabulous. I've actually managed to have the same advisor for 4 years, which is near impossible at a school as large as mine. So whenever I go in he know what's up and is ready to help based not only on his knowledge of ASU related things but of me too.

I went in to discuss the dropping of my minor. Not what happened.

I walked away with my minor in tact and I picked up a certificate. To make the extra year worth education, my problem was I didn't want to pay to be half time two semesters in a row, but if I could be full time without wasting time taking fillers that's AWESOME! Plus the fillers that I thought I was wasting my time taking before actually apply to the certificate I picked up and that's even more awesome!

So all in all awesome! I'm officially committed to being a college graduate in the Class of 2012.

Is God Sending Me Messages via Jon Acuff

I'm human so I think the world revolves around me. It doesn't but I think it does so when I read a blog post or listen to a sermon by anyone that completely reflects my head space I automatically think the author of what I just heard or read is stalking me.

My favorite blogger, Jon Acuff, is stalking me.

You can read his post here also feel free to read his blog regularly. Excuse me while I go get on his promotions team because I'm always telling someone to read his blog or books.

In the event that you didn't follow the link allow me to display the part of his post that I want to talk about.

Exodus 6:6-8

"I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.”

Look at what he says:

I will bring you out, I will free you, I will redeem you, I will take you as my own people, I will be your God, I will bring you to the land I swore, I will give it to you.

Seven times, in three verses, God reminds the Israelites and us that he never calls us on adventures alone.

The above excerpt from the bible and Jon Acuff commentary shall serve as proof that I no longer have to drag my feet.

God will decide what I'm going to do for the rest of forever. I don't have to he's already done it. There will not be fireworks and Vegas lights around my path, but I'll find it. I just have be obedient to God's unfolding will for my life.

Put It Into Serious Consideration

So we all know I'm dragging my feet in life. I'm Miss "I was on track to graduate but I declared a minor because I got scared and didn't know what to do after I left Young Life staff and I let some people make me feel impractical for being a Spanish major so I declared an equally as impractical minor so I would have time to think" LoL. Dang I have a long name.

I'm on a slow hike I'm just taking my time, stretching, sitting down for breaks, looking at all the flowers and smelling each individual one. I don't feel prepared for the next step in my life so I've been making sure to take as long as possible so I have taking extra time so I can over analyze every last option. However the following has recently occurred to me...

God is bigger than me.
I don't know how many times God has proved said(I now think of my friend Lizz every time I use that word, that way) fact to me but seriously how many times has God shown up in my life and told me "Christina, stop trying so hard I'm bigger than you and I can do it, let me do it." Its been pretty often my friends, honestly I can't count them but just think about how many times our God has told you that same thing and then feel free to multiply it by some astronomical number that's how often God has reminded me that he is a big guy.

I'm putting some things into serious consideration.
1. Graduating in December. Every reason I have given myself to rationalize graduating next spring just seems sillier and sillier everyday the only real reason is that two of my classes aren't supposed to be taken at the same time, but I'm sure I can get an override if I needed it.

2. Grad School
I do want a masters degree and what better time than the present. I could use my time and energy towards a more practical degree.

3. Seminary
If I'm really honest with myself this is actually what I want to do. Ministry has my heart. The only thing in life I like as much as sharing the Gospel is small children. Perhaps I shall go to seminary and then share the Gospel with small children.

4. Interning
This idea may have been planted in my head. Through conversations with some people whose opinions I value. However I did always say that I would intern with some organization internationally when I graduated. I'm a Spanish major for crying out loud. Also I've been thinking about Interning for Young Life, property and field just in case you were wondering. There are things I love about both and I wouldn't be opposed to either. And again if I'm being honest with myself this is what I want to do too. I could go Seminary while interning nothing to stop me there, I'm sure some killer AD would take me under their wing and not only allow but encourage me to attend seminary. Just saying.


I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm done dragging my feet time to just run with Jesus and let him decide where I'm going God is big look where he found me and where I am now. Look at people he has made us all to be. Why be afraid of what he has planned for us? Our God is good, and he gives to those who love him and well


I LOVE ME SOME GOD

I have these friends...

I love my friends. All of them, I'm seriously a blessed child because when I think about it. I've had the privilege of being a part of the lives of so many really awesome people. Thank you, God(I'm working on remembering to utter that phrase), for giving me the greatest friends ever. Some of my friends remind me of how lucky I am every time I talk to them. Two of them in particular shall be mentioned here.

The first friend I'll mention knows me, we're the same person and its kind of weird in a way because sometimes we say the same things and have the same ideas. I'm convinced that we're friends because we talk about Jesus and real things but we have fun, make jokes then we come up with ridiculous ideas and theories too. I'm also convinced we're going to be friends forever. What a blessing.

The second friend I'll mention is dope but we weren't always tight. Back in the day we were frequently accused of being fake friends by our other friends. However God had other plans for our friendship and now a days people notice how much we love each other. One of my favorite things about our friendship is that said friend is protective. Sometimes I can sense my friend's annoyance when we talk about anyone who isn't treating me right. Not many people I know are openly protective of me so it's cool. A huge blessing.

I mentioned in another post that I've been wrestling with God and I feel like I have to fight for a lot of things right now. One of which is my ministry. I was lucky enough to get to talk to both of my aforementioned (college word from the lit major) friends today. In our conversations today they reminded me of why I have to fight.

I love what I do. Simple I don't know why I didn't see it on my own. I figured God was up for a wrestle with me, since I typically let things go. But I really really love what I do. I love God and my life as a Christian. I love the Gospel. I love teens and I believe that they have the right to hear the Gospel. Not only do I love ministry but I'm kinda good at it. I forget that I'm good at it. I'm not the best not even close I have a million and 7 things to learn. But I'm good and I have been chosen and because my friends are awesome they affirmed it without even know that they did. Thanks friends for being amazing. Thank you God, for giving me such amazing friends. :)

(Does God get emoticons{fancy for smileys}?)

Wrestle with God

Boys will be boys and occasionally I don't get them. Example wrestling. First, I would not like to be put in a hold by a sweaty person and furthermore I would not like to put another person in any kind of hold and keep them there until they couldn't breath. Boys they're down for that though. Odd. But I have learned that wrestling is biblical, so way to go fellas at least it's in the bible... even if I think you're odd and a little gross.

In Genesis chapter 32 Jacob wrestles with God. That I understand I know the feeling of being in a stand off of sorts with God moves and I submit. But haven't we all try to win. God finds Jacob out in the desert by himself the form of a man (I believe that would be pre-incarnate God as a man, say what??? That's the first thing notice here because the whole bible is foreshadowing Jesus) God grabs Jacob and wrestles with him all night. Can you imagine that? I see it, Jacob was all red faced and snotty nosed struggling to make a move but still holding on and God is cool his hair is a little ruffled but he's ready to move on and he lets go touches Jacobs hip and Jacob is wrenched in pain so God probably goes to get up and Jacob wraps all of his body around God. Arms, legs, head, all of him right around God's leg, you know the way you did when you were a kid and didn't want someone to leave the room. So God says let go and Jacob says not until you bless me. Now here is Jacob probably getting all kinds of knocked around by God but he doesn't let go. Snotty nosed, red faced, and in gut wrenching pain because of his hip but Jacob doesn't let go. Now in my head here I see God looking down at ol' Jakey boy and seeing how bold he was God smiling because his heart is warmed by Jacobs boldness and faith. Jacob believes with all of his heart that God's blessing is all he needs for a better life and of his boldness and faith God rewards him.

What if we were more bold in our dealings with God. How much more would God reward us? Yeah God will the wrestling match but what but what if we kept holding on when we got knocked around? What if we kept going back for more? What if we too said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." I'm going to be that bold in my life with God. I think God rewards that kind persistence I feel like it shows faith. I'll admit that when I get knocked around I walk away, When I get a little scared I walk away. No matter how much I want, love, or want to love something I admittedly will walk away without a fight. If it's too hard then I don't want to do it, if it even slightly ruffles my feathers or steps outside of my box that I live in, I try to hide, God always finds me and pulls me out of the corners I hide in but I do walk away and hide when I get discouraged. Lately I feel like God wants me to fight. With him, with people, with ministry, with friends, with money, with everything, I feel like God wants me to fight. I'm a lover not a fighter but what the Lord wills shall be done. But I think I'm learning that sometimes you have to fight for what you love. So I'm fighting and I'm not letting go until God blesses me, even if I have to pray the same prayer 14 million times and ask the same questions 6 billion times, I'm wrestling with God.

Wrestle with God. There are a million bible verses about asking God and God giving to those who love him, so if you love him and trust him why wouldn't he give good things to you. You just have to be persistent. Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." That word petition, is actually translated as supplication and the root of that word in Greek can mean to beg.(I google stuff now but can't wait to be grown up and go to seminary and study Greek) There you have it Paul says beg God, and I'm almost positive that while Jacob demanded his bless he did it with a tone of begging in his voice. Don't you see him? Eye's closed, body wrapped around God's leg, saying through clenched teeth, "no, not until you bless me," while thinking in his head, "bless me God, please bless me, God I just need you to bless me." Haven't we all said that? Friends believe that God will come through, in Genesis, God is called Jehovah Jireh, it means God will provide, and well God will provide. Think about all the things that the Lord has provided for you already and bow before the Lord in praise and then ask God boldly for what you want. He'll answer.

Summary... because I feel like I was all over.
Wrestle with God, hold on until you get your blessing.
Pray with persistence.
Thank God for what he has already provided.
Believe God will provide again.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Listen to Sufjan.

(irrelevant side note: I love this song sang by anyone but I really love Sufjan's version and if I ever convince someone to marry me this song may play at our wedding... just saying)

Could this class be any longer...

I don't feel awesome right now and this class is dragging... profesor, con tu pelo y barba canosos, no entiendo lo que dice.

So I've discovered the following, in my 3.5 years of college... if you go to class you get a better grade based on 2 thing: you absorb a substantial amount information even if you only listen to every other word your professor says and they think you're trying if you show up to class so they like you. Even though I'm here my professor lost me 25 minutes ago because I have no idea what he is talking about... indians and corn... that's all I got. I'm a visual learner so listening to you chat in this cold room isn't helping me at all... why is it that all my Spanish professors lately are the lecture with out pictures types? If my be on Young Life staff plan for my life fails I'm pursuing Education and I'm I will not sit in a chair and lecture. EXTREME TEACHING (Phillip Nowlin, Desert Edge, circa 04-05) I'm gonna jump on a desk. Mr. Nowlin jumped on my desk one time and ya know what, I will always remember the bourgeoisie and the proletariat for the rest of my life, cuz he jumped on my desk and yelled Christina Poliate (he pronounced my name wrong for a year I never corrected him). Extreme. He also let our class watch Pocahontas one time and that was great.

Other things I've discovered in college:

1. Some how being on facebook can fill a class period but I don't know why I get on facebook... no one ever says anything to me and I'm not clever so people don't read my statuses most of the time... no one comments. And I've theorized that I'm forgettable on facebook, maybe in life but definitely on facebook, but some how it steals away hours of my time... confusing.

2. ASU is odd.

3. Going to college helped me figure out a grand total of nothing about life. I thought it was supposed to help.

Some how this turned into negative Nancy time... changing the pace.

4. I love Thursday... like every other ASU student because no one goes to class on Friday here... they love it for another reason but I love it because historically Thursday is amazing. It started way back in the day when I used to have Wyld Life on Thursday night. Hanging out with my team and loving on our kids it couldn't get any better. I miss those days.

5. I still love Thursday.

6. Parrots now we're talking about parrots... I wonder if I'm the only that is lost. nope there's a girl playing solitaire, she's lost too.

7. Always have 7 points... I'm kind of out of things to say and class is almost over this post doesn't say a lot at all. Oh this week 3 different people have called me smart and I don't know how I feel about it. I mean, I'm not dumb and I do know things, but smart? I don't know... plus 2 of the people called me smarter than other people... yeah... I don't know about that.


Ah this class is finally over.