something about the idea of the water washing away 2009 spoke worlds to me and I couldn't think of a more fitting way to express what I was thinking. So here I am doing something I wouldn't normally do. I write often but I typically don't think that anyone will read it not true about a blog... anyone can read it but none the less I'm gonna do it.
As always first things first: Defining my blog
1. It's in Spanish because that's who I am... Christina, the Spanish Literature major who doesn't care that its impractical because I'm nerdy and I like books better if they were originally written in a foreign language plus the whole learning Spanish thing started as self discovery for me and that's what College is about so it works.
2. Loosely translated it means "the space is called love" I'm completely aware that it's broken Spanish and that I shouldn't say it like that but I wanted it to resemble the saying I took it from "entre lo que existe y lo que no existe, el espacio es el amor" which means: between that which exists and that which doesn't exist, is the space called love. And isn't that what life is... from the time that we are born to the time we die everything in between is about love. Who we love, who loves us, what we love and how it doesn't love us back. I mean at least my whole life up until now (not that 21 years is a bundle of time) can be defined in relation to the most complex four letter word I know LOVE. Hence why the space is called love, everything in between is about love. Insert cheesy picture here:
Now for the second things :)
2009 was a year of lasts... I didn't know it then perhaps I'd have savored the moments if I'd gotten the memo but I didn't know until today when I thinking about all the things that have changed for me in this last year and more so the rapid changes in that happened in the last 2 months of 2009, that have just made me positive that 2010 is gonna be a most amazing year, I just have the reassurance in my heart. In November I drove Charlotte, my Cavalier, for the last time... she just died on me. It's kinda bittersweet I hated her because she was a clunker but she was mine so I now miss her a lot. I know it was just my car but it was one of the few things that I really own. It was mine and I could do whatever I wanted with it including put my last name in the back window in cursive, keep water bottles on the floor of the backseat and never wash the car... like ever... because it never failed that if I washed her it would rain... maybe that's why it broke... because I never washed her. She was the first thing that really made me feel free, after a life time of sitting around waiting for other people to take me places both metaphorically and literally. With her I could just get up and go whenever and where ever I felt like. We went drove across the country the we went to school(a lot), the zoo, I skipped class and went on adventures, the mall(a million times) and we picked up Young Life and Wyld Life kids more times than I can count. We went to meetings and ran errands, kidnapped a friend on their birthday, got tattoos and piercings. Some times I lived out of that car because I was on the move so much. We even road tripped to Lost Canyon and L.A. and there was that one time we went to Tucson... hilarious... only word for the whole trip hilariously random. Charlotte helped make life what it was, she gave me a freedom that I desperately needed. I'm really going to miss her and the freedom of my first car.
So with Charlotte went my freedom and with my freedom left my sanity not that I ever had much to start with in the first place its a tad overrated. I suppose that the loss of the little sanity I had would explain why I've decided that I'm going to be radical in my life from now on. That and the fact that turning 21 really makes me feel like I'm not the same person I used to be. 18- 20 never felt any different but 21 for some reason does. I have never felt like my life was filled with up completely with God's grace. I think up until now I've been playing the woe is me card in my head... and then living my life like God hasn't forgiven me, but really it was me, it was that I hadn't forgiven me, for everything I've convinced myself that I've done. So even though I've been doing all the "right" things and living the "right" way. I'm over my rough patch everyone has one mine was just completely different from most people's because God only gives you what you can handle... and I have a giant "handle with care fragile" sticker on my forehead and God knows because he put it there. I always tell myself every new year that this year is going to be different but I mean now its a new decade, there's no way it'll be the same as before. All it took was the death of Charlotte the Cavalier and the end of 2009 for me to figure it out. My life just sped up in the last 2 months and I haven't really stopped to look back and figure out what happened and I don't plan on it there's no time for worries in 2010 in this brand new decade I can't start the new decade thinking about the last one. So here goes nothing... I'm deep in the in between and I know that this year is gonna blow me away.
