I'm human so I think the world revolves around me. It doesn't but I think it does so when I read a blog post or listen to a sermon by anyone that completely reflects my head space I automatically think the author of what I just heard or read is stalking me.
My favorite blogger, Jon Acuff, is stalking me.
You can read his post here also feel free to read his blog regularly. Excuse me while I go get on his promotions team because I'm always telling someone to read his blog or books.
In the event that you didn't follow the link allow me to display the part of his post that I want to talk about.
Exodus 6:6-8
"I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment. I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.”
Look at what he says:
I will bring you out, I will free you, I will redeem you, I will take you as my own people, I will be your God, I will bring you to the land I swore, I will give it to you.
Seven times, in three verses, God reminds the Israelites and us that he never calls us on adventures alone.
The above excerpt from the bible and Jon Acuff commentary shall serve as proof that I no longer have to drag my feet.
God will decide what I'm going to do for the rest of forever. I don't have to he's already done it. There will not be fireworks and Vegas lights around my path, but I'll find it. I just have be obedient to God's unfolding will for my life.
So we all know I'm dragging my feet in life. I'm Miss "I was on track to graduate but I declared a minor because I got scared and didn't know what to do after I left Young Life staff and I let some people make me feel impractical for being a Spanish major so I declared an equally as impractical minor so I would have time to think" LoL. Dang I have a long name.
I'm on a slow hike I'm just taking my time, stretching, sitting down for breaks, looking at all the flowers and smelling each individual one. I don't feel prepared for the next step in my life so I've been making sure to take as long as possible so I have taking extra time so I can over analyze every last option. However the following has recently occurred to me...
God is bigger than me.
I don't know how many times God has proved said(I now think of my friend Lizz every time I use that word, that way) fact to me but seriously how many times has God shown up in my life and told me "Christina, stop trying so hard I'm bigger than you and I can do it, let me do it." Its been pretty often my friends, honestly I can't count them but just think about how many times our God has told you that same thing and then feel free to multiply it by some astronomical number that's how often God has reminded me that he is a big guy.
I'm putting some things into serious consideration.
1. Graduating in December. Every reason I have given myself to rationalize graduating next spring just seems sillier and sillier everyday the only real reason is that two of my classes aren't supposed to be taken at the same time, but I'm sure I can get an override if I needed it.
2. Grad School
I do want a masters degree and what better time than the present. I could use my time and energy towards a more practical degree.
3. Seminary
If I'm really honest with myself this is actually what I want to do. Ministry has my heart. The only thing in life I like as much as sharing the Gospel is small children. Perhaps I shall go to seminary and then share the Gospel with small children.
4. Interning
This idea may have been planted in my head. Through conversations with some people whose opinions I value. However I did always say that I would intern with some organization internationally when I graduated. I'm a Spanish major for crying out loud. Also I've been thinking about Interning for Young Life, property and field just in case you were wondering. There are things I love about both and I wouldn't be opposed to either. And again if I'm being honest with myself this is what I want to do too. I could go Seminary while interning nothing to stop me there, I'm sure some killer AD would take me under their wing and not only allow but encourage me to attend seminary. Just saying.
I don't really know what I'm doing but I'm done dragging my feet time to just run with Jesus and let him decide where I'm going God is big look where he found me and where I am now. Look at people he has made us all to be. Why be afraid of what he has planned for us? Our God is good, and he gives to those who love him and well
I love my friends. All of them, I'm seriously a blessed child because when I think about it. I've had the privilege of being a part of the lives of so many really awesome people. Thank you, God(I'm working on remembering to utter that phrase), for giving me the greatest friends ever. Some of my friends remind me of how lucky I am every time I talk to them. Two of them in particular shall be mentioned here.
The first friend I'll mention knows me, we're the same person and its kind of weird in a way because sometimes we say the same things and have the same ideas. I'm convinced that we're friends because we talk about Jesus and real things but we have fun, make jokes then we come up with ridiculous ideas and theories too. I'm also convinced we're going to be friends forever. What a blessing.
The second friend I'll mention is dope but we weren't always tight. Back in the day we were frequently accused of being fake friends by our other friends. However God had other plans for our friendship and now a days people notice how much we love each other. One of my favorite things about our friendship is that said friend is protective. Sometimes I can sense my friend's annoyance when we talk about anyone who isn't treating me right. Not many people I know are openly protective of me so it's cool. A huge blessing.
I mentioned in another post that I've been wrestling with God and I feel like I have to fight for a lot of things right now. One of which is my ministry. I was lucky enough to get to talk to both of my aforementioned (college word from the lit major) friends today. In our conversations today they reminded me of why I have to fight.
I love what I do. Simple I don't know why I didn't see it on my own. I figured God was up for a wrestle with me, since I typically let things go. But I really really love what I do. I love God and my life as a Christian. I love the Gospel. I love teens and I believe that they have the right to hear the Gospel. Not only do I love ministry but I'm kinda good at it. I forget that I'm good at it. I'm not the best not even close I have a million and 7 things to learn. But I'm good and I have been chosen and because my friends are awesome they affirmed it without even know that they did. Thanks friends for being amazing. Thank you God, for giving me such amazing friends. :)
Boys will be boys and occasionally I don't get them. Example wrestling. First, I would not like to be put in a hold by a sweaty person and furthermore I would not like to put another person in any kind of hold and keep them there until they couldn't breath. Boys they're down for that though. Odd. But I have learned that wrestling is biblical, so way to go fellas at least it's in the bible... even if I think you're odd and a little gross.
In Genesis chapter 32 Jacob wrestles with God. That I understand I know the feeling of being in a stand off of sorts with God moves and I submit. But haven't we all try to win. God finds Jacob out in the desert by himself the form of a man (I believe that would be pre-incarnate God as a man, say what??? That's the first thing notice here because the whole bible is foreshadowing Jesus) God grabs Jacob and wrestles with him all night. Can you imagine that? I see it, Jacob was all red faced and snotty nosed struggling to make a move but still holding on and God is cool his hair is a little ruffled but he's ready to move on and he lets go touches Jacobs hip and Jacob is wrenched in pain so God probably goes to get up and Jacob wraps all of his body around God. Arms, legs, head, all of him right around God's leg, you know the way you did when you were a kid and didn't want someone to leave the room. So God says let go and Jacob says not until you bless me. Now here is Jacob probably getting all kinds of knocked around by God but he doesn't let go. Snotty nosed, red faced, and in gut wrenching pain because of his hip but Jacob doesn't let go. Now in my head here I see God looking down at ol' Jakey boy and seeing how bold he was God smiling because his heart is warmed by Jacobs boldness and faith. Jacob believes with all of his heart that God's blessing is all he needs for a better life and of his boldness and faith God rewards him.
What if we were more bold in our dealings with God. How much more would God reward us? Yeah God will the wrestling match but what but what if we kept holding on when we got knocked around? What if we kept going back for more? What if we too said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." I'm going to be that bold in my life with God. I think God rewards that kind persistence I feel like it shows faith. I'll admit that when I get knocked around I walk away, When I get a little scared I walk away. No matter how much I want, love, or want to love something I admittedly will walk away without a fight. If it's too hard then I don't want to do it, if it even slightly ruffles my feathers or steps outside of my box that I live in, I try to hide, God always finds me and pulls me out of the corners I hide in but I do walk away and hide when I get discouraged. Lately I feel like God wants me to fight. With him, with people, with ministry, with friends, with money, with everything, I feel like God wants me to fight. I'm a lover not a fighter but what the Lord wills shall be done. But I think I'm learning that sometimes you have to fight for what you love. So I'm fighting and I'm not letting go until God blesses me, even if I have to pray the same prayer 14 million times and ask the same questions 6 billion times, I'm wrestling with God.
Wrestle with God. There are a million bible verses about asking God and God giving to those who love him, so if you love him and trust him why wouldn't he give good things to you. You just have to be persistent. Philippians 4:6 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." That word petition, is actually translated as supplication and the root of that word in Greek can mean to beg.(I google stuff now but can't wait to be grown up and go to seminary and study Greek) There you have it Paul says beg God, and I'm almost positive that while Jacob demanded his bless he did it with a tone of begging in his voice. Don't you see him? Eye's closed, body wrapped around God's leg, saying through clenched teeth, "no, not until you bless me," while thinking in his head, "bless me God, please bless me, God I just need you to bless me." Haven't we all said that? Friends believe that God will come through, in Genesis, God is called Jehovah Jireh, it means God will provide, and well God will provide. Think about all the things that the Lord has provided for you already and bow before the Lord in praise and then ask God boldly for what you want. He'll answer.
Summary... because I feel like I was all over.
Wrestle with God, hold on until you get your blessing.
Pray with persistence.
Thank God for what he has already provided.
Believe God will provide again.
Repeat as often as necessary.
Listen to Sufjan.
(irrelevant side note: I love this song sang by anyone but I really love Sufjan's version and if I ever convince someone to marry me this song may play at our wedding... just saying)
