It's my Rain Jacket.

Ever have a day that you think you'll remember forever because it was just a really good day. Nothing out of the ordinary but just really good? Today was one of those days for me.

1. I woke up and it was still dark in my room. Which meant OVERCAST but oh no I walked out and it was raining. First and foremost I love any excuse to put on my fly green rain jacket and wear it all day but when it rains and I don't look stupid, don't get me wrong I don't care if I look stupid, its just that I prefer to look prepared which I do when it's raining.

2. I saw Jesus a lot today. I feel like He might have been screaming at me so I would actually see him. I saw you Jesus. I know it's my rain jacket, that made me see Him, it has powers.

3. I got to hang out with like a million different people that I love today. Had some really good conversations with Jocelyn, Sarah, and Aubrey. Ate pizza and wings with Oscar, Rikki and Aubrey.

4. I went to campaigners for the first time this semester and Kim asked me to share the Word. Which was extra fun. Glendale/Apollo girls are a blast. I Love Love them.

5. Oscar Adame said this to me today too: "I RSVPed for two... I always RSVP for two."

6. Aubrey said something funny... I was gonna quote her... I can't remember.

7. I seriously loved today! I telling you friends, it's my rain jacket, I feel it in my bones. (LoL old ladies say that)

Silence is Golden

So I had a really crappy week of considerable misfortune. I'll spare you my sob story; just know it was depressing. So today I didn't have to work, and last night I hit a wall and because all of my firends are either gone or busy, I'm alone. Speaking of I think I've had the loneliest year of my life, that I've been aware of. Every other time in my life that I've been lonely I've been in some kind of disfunctional place so I don't remember feeling to well, its a blurr. But I think I'll remember this year for the rest of my life because God has put me here for me to remember the feeling, all of the feelings, all of the things I've trapsed through the walls that have been knocked down. This has been a transformational time for me. I'm close to being 22 and I'm not who I was a year ago. I'm more raw a lot more vulnerable and the weird thing is that I'm vulnerable and willing to share that. I used to try and be cool and not say anything but I'm feeling too old to be cool now.

I haven't spoken a word since 6 pm last night, excluding saying hi to an old professor looking dude. So correction a whispered "hi" is the only word I've spoken since 6pm last night. This morning I spent 5 hours in my closet, in the dark. I'm weird, I know but it was too bright in my room for me to meditate, the light was distracting. I spent the last 24 hrs. deep in prayer and trying to assess my life the past 3 years. I realized that I've spent a lot of time trying to do things myself. It's exhausting to say the least. I'm tired. I'm worn out trying to be responsible for myself. Trying rise above the tragic story that is my home life, trying to look like I have it together, trying to hold myself together. GAH it's hard. Seriously its hard, I'm a mess. I'm a mess of a person and I've discovered that I NEED God. I always knew that I needed God but seriously I NEED GOD. My current silence has shown me that I have to get up daily and recognize that I need God in every corner of my life. Even the neatly tucked away messes that I tend to ignore. I have to unwrap them and let God in.

My series of unfortunate events this week feels like a life time of doing it myself catching up to me. Years and years of God saying, "Let me do it Christina." Then me saying. "No I got it God see. See I can do it, I can get it together, I got it God, don't you worry about it." Wrong I don't have it. I don't have anything, I can't do it. God can do it; I can't... seriously how many times do I have to say it before I realize that God means it about everything? There's nothing too small or to big for the Creator of the Universe.

Funny how the things I heard God speak to me when I was at Lost Canyon this summer keep coming up. No more walls, break them all down. Welp I'll call keeping a mess tucked away and saying I got it God a wall and in my 24 hours of silence, prayer and fasting it's been knocked over. I'll continue my self-created solitude until I have to go to work tomorrow so that my reflection and wall busting up settles in before I embark on my chaotic life again.

Silence is Golden.

OBSESSED

My head hurts from trying to study for this test that I don't really think I'm going to pass... I desperately wish I had been smart enough to withdraw months ago... I'm just no go in test situations, especially when I feel like I don't understand my professor... he's cool I just don't get him on most days. So I'm giving myself a 30 minute break from studying. What a good time to blog!


I'm obsessed with several things in life right now. I want to share.

First: the book of Psalms in the Bible. Such a good read. Today's pick:

Psalm 45

It's so pretty and poetic.

Second: Crazy Love by Francis Chan


This book is so good. Every chapter I read I end up feeling more confident in the way I walk with Jesus and at the same time I feel wrecked, called out and challenged. I don't know how Chan wrote this book but I think Jesus was in the room.

Third: Grape Jelly Uncrustables


Okae so I hate peanut butter, I think it is soooo gross but I love these little things. The peanut butter doesn't matter. I've had at least 1 every day for like a week straight.

Fourth:

Literatura barroca... because that's what my test is on and I spent at least 8 hours obsessively reading about it.


Fifth and Final:
The idea of the fast approaching winter break. Ah I can't wait I so want to have a life again and I want to see my friends and hang out, maybe go to a movie preferably at the Drive In movie theater, I drove by it the other day I desperately want to find someone who it down to go. Plus I'm turning 22 during the break in 23 days. I'll be 22 :) I decided not to cry about it.