Presta Atención Niña

I should be paying attention to my professor right now.

But right this moment all I can pay attention to is the realization that God has been speaking to me. I've been trying to decipher the words but it sounds like God is calling inside of a tunnel and my life is too noisy for me to hear his words clearly right now. Right now in this class is the longest I've sat down without an agenda in 5 days. Not the longest I've been still but lately every time I'm still I fall asleep because I'm tired not physically but mentally I'm really tired.

Thinking is tiring. Thinking while calculating the chaos around you is even more tiring. However, in the chaos that I've created to stop myself from thinking... God is still talking to me, calling me.

In subtle ways.

A week ago I went to my dad's house, and sitting on the kitchen counter plain as day was my purity ring. Please note that none of my things are anywhere in that house in plain sight also note that I took off in an small act of defiance during a hard time almost exactly a year ago. (side note: serveral months ago I decided to put it back on but I couldn't find it and then I searched for another one but nothing felt right on my finger. Was this a sign? I think yes.)

Last Friday a guy came through the drive through at work and he paid for the drink of the person behind him... the woman behind him almost cried right in front of me when I told her that he said "I want you to have a good day" and then paid for her drink and snack. Her reaction was beauty in my chaos, even more beautiful is that he'll probably never know how much it meant to her.

Last Saturday at my other job a guy came to my register and decided I looked like a girl who knew the bible and said to me, "when you get a chance read Jeremiah 33:3" so I did...

Jeremiah 33:3 - Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.

Today I was aimlessly browsing facebook statuses to pass the time and once again God called. God often asks me the same question and tends to use every form of communication possible to ask it, today there it was in a friend's status. "Why are you dying to fit in, when you were made to stand out?" I'm too different to be a background person. Not because I don't want to be because believe me if I could blend I would... I've tried it does not work at all. I'm just not supposed to blend into the background God tells me that all the time. I'm meant to stand up and let Christ's light shine through me.

In my chaos God is calling. These little moments lead me to believe that everything is going to be okae. Friends, I'm not a fighter typically I'm more of a walk away when it gets tough kind of girl but for the first time in my life I want to fight, I just want to push and push until I'm heard. I want to keep asking until someone answers me and I want to try until I can't try anymore. Right now I feel like a lot of things in life sit in a make it or break place for. If it's a break then let's God's will be done but I'm going to fight to make it. I'll know soon enough if I'm cut out for this forever and if not then its back to the drawing board, I'm lucky that I'm not the artist.


There's still beauty in chaos si prestes atención niñita (if you pay attention little girl)

Remember when I said

That I was going to graduate in December of this year

Well we're back to May of next year. If you're keeping track of my life on a score card, current tally Christina 0 Indecision 5.2 million. I'm really indecisive about most things. So I went to see my academic advisor today I needed someone to help me figure out what to do and well even though there are a zillion students at ASU, and I have my beef with that; I must say that my academic advisor is fabulous. I've actually managed to have the same advisor for 4 years, which is near impossible at a school as large as mine. So whenever I go in he know what's up and is ready to help based not only on his knowledge of ASU related things but of me too.

I went in to discuss the dropping of my minor. Not what happened.

I walked away with my minor in tact and I picked up a certificate. To make the extra year worth education, my problem was I didn't want to pay to be half time two semesters in a row, but if I could be full time without wasting time taking fillers that's AWESOME! Plus the fillers that I thought I was wasting my time taking before actually apply to the certificate I picked up and that's even more awesome!

So all in all awesome! I'm officially committed to being a college graduate in the Class of 2012.