I'm not alone

So I'm still not too positive about this whole blogging thing... which is why it's been forever since I've posted anything, but my mind is a little overactive so why not write a little.

Sometimes I have these moments late at night when I remember I'm not alone. That something else is going on here and its so divine, so peaceful, so deep. Just when I think I'm alone and no one is watching. God show up out of no where pokes me in the arm and says "hey kiddo", yeah God calls me kiddo, "I'm here."

The background

At different times in my life I've had different songs that have really spoken to my heart and occasionally one of them comes on at the right moment in my life as if to say, "hey are you paying attention"


So here's what just happened

I was listening to my iPod on shuffle and texting a Young Life girl and I was sharing with her some of my past experiences and just really trying to encourage her and get her to look at the bright side of a situation. As I was texting her I just really started to think about everything that's going on in my life right now all the feelings twisted up inside of me, how I have no idea what I'm doing in the sense that I feel crazy for deciding to walk away from staff but stay and do my job as volunteer. I just felt like if nothing else comes from me sticking around right now besides this conversation and this moment right now, if nothing else comes of this semseter besides this girl knowing that I care about her. It would really be okae with me it would all be worth it. It's not about being the all-star greatest Young Life leader ever especially not right now, not that I ever was but you know what I mean. And as I said that to myself this song that I have no idea why I left it on my iPod came on. It used to have my mom's music on it because she did it to format it for me. I took almost all of it off but she had this one song on there I couldn't get rid of. I heard for the first time two summers ago, and it grabbed me by the heart I didn't think the words could be any more beautiful but then I heard it in Spanish and low and behold they were some how more beautiful to me. So I just couldn't delete it. But I never ever listen to it its just there, and I always have my iPod on shuffle and it never comes up but tonight it did. It felt like God was whispering "hey kiddo, I think you got it" I'm honestly in tears right now.

Here's the song:

Everyone needs compassion, love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness, the kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, he is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow, everything I believe in
Now I surrender

Savior, He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save, he is mighty to save
Forever, Author of Salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave

Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory of the risen king, Jesus
Shine your light and let the whole world see
We're singing
For the glory of the risen king


There's something about it. "So take me as you find me, all my fears and failures. fill my life again, I give my life to follow, everything I believe in. Now I surrender." We're all a little broken and afraid but that shouldn't stop us. Not when God will fill us.

I'm so scared everything right now, I've had this call in heart to "Go" for so long and for so long I've been sitting on my hands because I was too afraid that I wasn't good enough. I'm terrified to be honest, but at least I'm not alone.